You!

Yes, you.

Stop it. I was in line for Mongolian barbeque Friday night and there you were. You just had to wait until there were ten people in front and ten behind me to unleash yourself, didn't you? I could have caused hysteria amidst this swine flu season, emptied an entire restaurant, and who could have footed that bill?

And you're still here. Torturing me as your prickly little fingers scratch inside the walls of my throat, your raspy snarl escaping as I speak, and your tickles causing my voice to crack like I'm a prepubescent boy going through the rites of manhood.

I haven't figured out which allergy you are, but once I do, you and the coughs you cause will be sorry!